Family Care, Purpose, And Leadership

Raising children makes arguably the deepest impact any of us can have. Whether as a biological parent or not, the behavior we model, teach, and reward is arguably the most direct influence we have on the next generation. By providing physical and emotional safety, the secure attachments required to foster curiosity, and the exposure to diverse experiences that foster empathy, we empower the next generation of humans.

Parents don’t have full control over their children’s outcomes, but there are certainly ways to shape their course, and that matters far beyond the context of your own family.

Michelle Penczak says, “I’m clear that, first and foremost, my family is taken care of. But how I do that matters too. I want to show my boys how hard work can help people. Not only does it get you toys, [but] it can make your heart happy in so many ways.” Modeling purpose like this for our families is a hugely powerful form of influence in the sphere of family and friends.

Kate Williams is the CEO of 1% For the Planet, a network of brands and companies such as Honest Tea and Patagonia that donate 1 per- cent of their gross sales to environmental causes. She explained her family-and-friends choices in this way: “My husband and I have made professional choices to have meaningful work and be present at home. I know that’s part of why my kids are who they are.” These choices required some trade-offs, such as not being able to travel as much or stay as long at the office. But Kate was committed to maintaining that presence at home, had the privilege to make it work, and has had influence on shaping her kids’ values, behavior, and life choices accordingly.

Providing dignified aging for parents and other elders is another powerful contribution we rarely recognize. Whether because of the unpaid nature of this work or our reluctance to talk about dying and death, many generous caretakers don’t acknowledge the impact they’re having on themselves or receiving from others. The invisibility of caretaking efforts is problematic because they often compete directly with other forms of investment that are externally recognized and valued. We put people in the no-win position of choosing to forgo caregiving responsibilities, leaving elders in danger or other siblings or family members overburdened; forgo responsibilities in other spheres, risking loss of relationships, employment, compensation, or well-being; or do it all for as long as possible—which is inevitably not forever—and burn out.

Some people are starting to take these steps, often based on their own experience supporting people with invisible or visible disabilities. Melissa Danielsen and her twin sister were largely responsible for managing their brother’s developmental disability and epilepsy. These duties and his death at 29 years old had many implications for their life and job choices as young adults. Now they’ve started a company, Joshin, which provides adequate care for employees who have family members with disabilities. Melissa explains that her personal experience makes her “willing to say the tough things about disability as a form of diversity” to achieve her mission of getting employers to offer care solutions that really work for families.

Our current model is a lose-lose-lose situation that ripples far beyond caregivers themselves. We need to change our policies and attitudes toward caregiving, particularly as life expectancies grow (with bias for income level and race, unfortunately). Employers must provide accommodation logistically and culturally for employees who are also caregivers. Entrepreneurs (such as the Danielsens below) must continue to create new models that provide affordable quality care to support caregivers’ efforts. Investors need to support those models with a thoughtful understanding of the real needs of caregivers and their charges. And not-for-profits can step in to support those who can’t afford these improved forms of support.

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